Me and Mr Jones by Lucy Diamond

Author:Lucy Diamond
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction, General
ISBN: 9781447237693
Publisher: Pan
Published: 2013-06-05T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter Nineteen

‘Have you ever,’ Emma began thoughtfully, ‘done something really, really awful that you knew you’d probably regret . . . but you just couldn’t help yourself?’

She was speaking to Flo, her assistant, but her voice must have carried across the office because an awful lot of ears seemed to prick up at the question.

‘I took this job, didn’t I?’ Flo said grumpily. She had an enormous pile of invoices on her desk and looked sorely tempted to stuff the lot in the bin. ‘I’m totally regretting that today.’

‘Why do you ask, Jones? Are you plotting mischief?’ Greg put in, an eyebrow raised as he leaned over the desks.

‘I wasn’t talking to you, Big-Ears,’ Emma replied, but it was too late, the others had taken up the question as if some kind of personal challenge.

‘A friend and I once did a runner from the Hotel du Vin restaurant,’ Lottie confessed coyly. She was on a protein diet and had been nibbling slices of ham from a packet since she’d arrived that morning. ‘I was so pissed – I’d been on cocktails all night – and it seemed a good laugh at the time. Right until we got hauled back by the manager anyway. Walk of shame or what.’

‘Oops,’ said Emma. ‘Does the future husband know about your dreadful life of crime, Lottie?’

‘No, and you mustn’t tell him!’ she giggled, a manicured hand flying to her mouth. ‘Really, you mustn’t. He thinks I’m a nice girl.’

‘Poor sod,’ mumbled someone, possibly Greg.

‘Once, when I was a teenager and had been grounded, I sneaked out with a mate and went to a gig in town,’ Rhodri said. ‘Climbed out my window, into a tree . . . proper SAS stuff. Had to sleep in the shed that night and had the most wicked hangover the next day. Didn’t regret a thing.’

‘I once smuggled some drugs into Malaysia for a mate,’ Greg said airily. Of course, he had to go one further than anyone else, thought Emma, rolling her eyes. ‘Stuffed a bag of smack up my arse and tried to blag it.’

‘No way,’ Flo breathed, open-mouthed.

‘You didn’t,’ cried Lottie, appalled.

He snorted, bemused. ‘Of course I didn’t, you muppets,’ he roared. ‘What kind of a man do you think I am?’ He waited a good two seconds for effect, then added, ‘I stuffed it up Hester’s arse, of course, got her to do it instead. Like I’d take that kind of a risk myself!’

The others laughed, but Lottie still looked disapproving. ‘The worst thing is, Greg, I can actually believe you’d do something like that,’ she said primly, her mouth pursing into a tut.

He pulled a face at her. ‘Nah. I’m too busy stuffing her other orifices with—’

‘ENOUGH!’ Emma yelled hurriedly. ‘Honestly, Greg, why does every single conversation have to end up with poor Hester getting dragged into things? Can you not leave her and her orifices out of it?’

Greg sniggered.

‘Sounds like a Woody Allen film,’ commented Rhodri. ‘Hester and Her Orifices . . .

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